There’s a school a couple of blocks from where I work, and I’ll sometimes see students out and about when getting lunch. It’s a year nine campus, so they’re all about 15. I haven’t seen any of them for a few days, and I’ve just realised that they’ve possibly already finished school for the year, being a private school. Either that, or they have activities on back at the main campus.
I’m not crushing heavily on them, but I few have caught my eye, and it’s always a pleasant surprise when I see them.
Once upon a time, I would have been reaching for my phone camera any time I spied them, but not now. So many reasons not to. What’s most pleasing, though, is that I don’t miss it as strongly as I might have expected. There’s a lot to be said for inertia: I used to take photos, because that’s what I used to do. I allowed it to become habit, and it had an addictive quality.
I have to say, breaking an addiction does make life better. Whilst the sexual attraction is still there, and is unlikely to go away, it feels better to have put aside the risky, harmful behaviour, leaving in its wake a somewhat healthier interest in girls. One where I see them for the people they are, more than objects of desire.
It will be sad not to see those few favourites again, but time marches on and girls grow up. In a few months, a new group of year nines will take their place. I look forward to admiring them – appropriately, non-sexually and from a distance – when the school year starts, without putting them or myself at risk.